Walking With the Word

The Best Years of My Life?

Some say that your school years are the best years of your life. Even aunts, uncles and well meaning family friends encourage you to ‘make the most of it, you are an adult for a long time and your childhood years are the best years of your life.’ This gave me the impression that life is pretty dull and hard as an adult: work, marriage, kids and responsibilities are obviously no fun at all. This was a dilemma for me as I hated school and looking forward to leaving was a source of comfort, so these words did not give me much hope.

My mission in life as a Highschool kid was bully avoidance, that was pretty much it. Every thing I did, where I sat in class, where I spent break times, which route I took home were all part of that mission; all in all not a happy time.

Perhaps I wasn’t very brave as a child. Perhaps there was something amiss that prevented me from dealing with it all. It’s evident that saying ‘just hit them back’ doesn’t always work, because for me, it didn’t—it just made it worse—I felt I obviously deserved it, yet it felt unjust—I wonder whether if I had been taught that it wasn’t me, but the bullies who had the issues, it might have helped. In any case, after all, it made me more resilient, which served me well: I learned to cope and I grew a thicker skin which was useful for self-preservation for a while.

As a Christian I now have a much ‘softer skin,’ but early on I was too eager to take people into my confidence under the mistaken idea that anyone who listened could be trusted: how wrong I was.

Maturity has served to equip me with better judgment and an understanding of why people bully, but nevertheless the affects don’t just magically disappear—I didn’t suddenly become brave and gain a sense of my value and place in the world, this takes time and following Jesus has been essential in this process, since He is at the centre of my world now, but I still falter at times.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” 

(Proverbs 3:5-6)

Self-Confidence

An obvious downside to this constant barrage of abuse is that self-confidence has always been difficult; even now I am often plagued with self-doubt. As a result I was always happy with risk free, routine jobs in life: truck and bus driving, background support roles at church—nothing wrong with these of course, all jobs are meaningful—but for me, nothing too challenging thank you.

There were some bright spots in which I could truly flourish and explore some of my potential and with hindsight I look back at these achievements as my Heavenly Father showing me what can be achieved if I truly trust Him. Consequently, my spirit would not be crushed by the challenges one faces in ministry.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” 

(Ephesians 3:20)

Confidence in God

By far the thing that has given me the most confidence is the trust I place in my loving, patient, gentle and kind Heavenly Father. He has seen to it that I have within me the absolute assurance of the calling He has placed upon me. Therefore, when any doubt is expressed—on my part or anyone else’s—my assurance does not waver, even if my confidence does. But I now understand that my confidence ought not be in myself, but in Him. Confidence and trust in Him is exercised by taking a step of faith and by watching what He will do through me.

I can recall to mind many instances where I hear myself expressing thoughts, ideas and Scripture Truths in words and ways I could have never thought of by my own skill; Gods help (by His Spirit) in these matters is always essential.

It is a huge comfort to know that because it’s His work I am doing, He will be with me, because He lives in me and works through me. I can’t think of anything more comforting, reassuring, confidence boosting and powerful than having the God of the universe living in me—and choosing to use me for His purposes.

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” 

(Matthew 28:20)

I am not ‘there’ yet, as with all of us: I am a work in progress. Making us more like Jesus, growing in trust, being faithful in all the little things, following Him and doing His will, is what matters most. All the inner change that comes is the work of God in us. All the work we do for Him is the result of these inner changes.

Being bullied, may have ruined a big part of my younger years, but it doesn’t have to determine how life turns out. For me, Faith in God through Jesus was the key, not faith in my skills, abilities and accomplishments—or lack thereof. Now, I am beloved of the Father and nothing can separate me, or any of us for that matter, from that!

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” 

(Joshua 1:9)

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